Because Trash Angeles is literally the world’s nastiest city and the big public embarrassment ever, the best strategy for riding the metro is to sit in the very first car. So that if anyone decides they want to beat you up, you can at least knock on the driver’s door and hopefully that will stop them.
Problem solved?
Not quite. It’s a lot trickier than that. I could lament the secondary issues, like what if the first car is flooded with some unknown spill, what if it really smells, what if someone’s smoking, what if the air conditioning isn’t working and it’s 100 degrees outside? What if you were running to catch the train and just barely panted your way onto the very last car of them? But let’s not trouble ourselves with these cosmetic roadblocks.
You get to the metro station, and it’s 10 minutes till the next train. You are about to jaunt your way onto the platform, and walk all the way to the very head, where you will be in position to board the very first car, right by the driver. There’s nothing to stop you, except you notice that across the street, there’s a trashy man wandering aimlessly about. You can always, always tell if it’s a trashy, filthy, brutal man or not. The key is, they will be wandering about back and forth, with no real direction. They only get some direction once they see what your direction is. Immediately, they cease their stupid pacing about. They might take one more spin. But if you just keep watching from the corner of your eye, you can be guaranteed that within a minute, this walking human trash is going to copy your very footsteps. Direct themselves to the metro crossing. Push through the gate, clear the tracks, and then, saunter up the platform, as though this was their objective all along.
And where do they park their nasty trashy ugly self? Of course, right where you’re standing.
And this is why you didn’t make your way to the head of the platform. If you had done that, and TrashyLoserMan — the finest Trash Angeles has to offer — was to follow you there, you’d be trapped right now. When you’re at the head of the platform, there’s no exit, there’s no escape, unless you leap onto the train tracks themselves.
So of course you didn’t go to the head of the platform, because you knew, from the second you saw TrashyFilthMan, that he was going to follow you. You knew he was going to park his ugly trashy filthy self right next to you on the platform. And you knew once he got there, he had his little filthy playbook to follow: first, he starts cursing. He starts shouting, no one really knows at who or what. And finally, he reverts back to his aimless pacing that he’d been doing across the street. Except now he’s doing his pacing right in front of you.
The men here are rabid trash dogs. It’s not even human behavior. Pacing??? Don’t wolves do that? And these are all grown men, between 30s and 50s. This is what happens when you live in stupid, selfish city where people’s worth is judged based off how much money you have and there’s no actual human care or connection. You start a descent into a “civilization” full of actual human filth.
At this point, you move off the platform entirely. You go back to the crosswalk. LoserIdiotTrash is still pacing. You have to be very careful now, because when the train comes, not only must you sprint in order to catch it, you also have to somehow make sure you don’t get into the same car as LoserTrashyTrash.
Of course, there’s likely some other loser monster in whatever car you get in, seven times out of ten.
And this is why it’s not always possible to board the first car of the train, where if someone decides they want to beat you up, you can at least knock on the driver’s door.
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